Being aware

I officially began my internship in April, but I've been at the same site since January.  And something I've noticed is that it takes much more out of me emotionally to work with couples than to work with families or individuals.  It makes sense for couples to have more going on, because they generally don't to to a counselor until things are bad for them.  But it really took me by surprise that couples can be more emotionally draining for me.  I suppose being aware of this and doing self-care are the best ways to handle it.  And of course knowing that ultimately the choice of whether or not to stay together is up to them, not me.

A Garden Metaphor

While I was in my garden the other day practicing self-care (gardening is akin to meditation for me) an odd little thought occurred to me.  I was weeding and as I was going through the process I realized how it could relate to counseling and mental heath.  


When weeding a garden it doesn't do much good to pull at pieces of the weeds or just pull the tops of them off because they'll keep coming back.  Using the proper tools for weeding will ensure getting to the root and pulling the entire weed up.  You can then put the pulled up weeds into a composting device and plant the seeds you wish to grow in your garden.


Just like with weeds, if you go into counseling but only pick at the issues bothering you, they will come back.  It will probably be aggravating and maybe even uncomfortable to get to the root of those experiences, but once they have been processed through you can learn from them and good will come of it - just like using weeds for compost.


And just like a garden, mental health must be regularly nurtured and worked on.  It does no good to plant a garden and then leave it on its own.  Gardens need to be watered and weeded regularly so that the seeds you planted grow into strong, healthy plants.  Counseling tends to be the same way....once the roots of the problem are dealt with a person may not need to talk to their counselor as often.  If the problem resurfaces as a weed, then going back to a counselor is a very good idea.


My garden will be growing tomatoes, peppers, herbs, climbing fruits, patience, inner strength, and humility.  What kind of seeds would you like to plant in your garden?

Unreasonable Expectations

Have you ever noticed that you have certain ideas of how things should be?  For instance:  when you think of a doctor a very specific image might pop into your mind complete with all the minute details you assume go along with the professional career of a doctor.  In my case I have a very fixed idea of what a counselor should and shouldn't do.  And when I realized last night whilst mentally berating myself for having to leave fieldwork early again because of my family responsibilities, I realized my idealized image of "counselor" just wasn't going to work.  


My idealized version of a counselor is someone who keeps the same hours and is available during those said hours for their clients.  Now, if life happens and keeps clients from attending sessions for whatever reason, that's perfectly find in my idealized vision.  But the counselor should always be there excepting emergencies.


The only problem is I can't be that person.  I have the responsibility of being a mother to three children who don't arrange to get sick around my work schedule.  I have the responsibility of being a military wife who rearranges everything so that when the military throws us weird curve balls in my husband's schedule he can make it work.  I can't be the counselor who is always at work during scheduled hours.  And I honestly don't know how much of a problem this is going to pose with attempting to finish my master's program.  


I'm extremely fortunate to have a fieldwork site that lets me set my own hours.  Both my site supervisor and the office manager are very supportive whenever I have to amend my normally scheduled hours.  But to finish my CACREP accredited program I have to attain a certain number of clinical hours within a certain amount of time...and I just don't know if that's going to be possible.


So today I'm going to write the fieldwork placement manager at my school and explain to her that I may be a single parent for 6 weeks at the beginning of April when I'm supposed to begin internship.  I also get to explain that I won't know until the Air Force schedulers inform us if this is actually going to happen.  (The Air Force trains its people in hurry up and wait at basic training and expect civilians to understand the concept, which almost never happens.)  I then get to see if I will be allowed to sign up for internship with the knowledge that for 6 weeks I won't be able to work any more hours than I have in practicum because part of my childcare (my husband) may be in another state.


My other major to do task today is to find a back-up babysitter.  Because having only one isn't really cutting it right now.


But the point of all this is that whether or not I get to finish this degree (which I REALLY want to do) I love my life.  I love my kids and my husband and the relative chaos we live in.  And I love counseling.  But I don't know that I'm going to be able to mesh the two right now...and I'm finding a way to be okay with that.


P.S.  The fieldwork manager at my school is willing to let me begin Internship at the reduced hours I may have to work.  Now I just need to find a potential full-time nanny and quite beating myself up over what I can't change ;-)

Just how Flexible are you?

Something being a military spouse teaches you is to be flexible.  Normally it doesn't matter when my husband's schedule gets all mucked up because I can switch mine around to accommodate it.  But I'm working on my practicum now.  And it makes it much more difficult when military things come up and I have to be flexible.  Thankfully I'm working at a practice with retired military practitioners who understand.  Because not just any site will let you re-arrange your schedule so your husband can test for MSgt.  Or go for some training thing for six weeks.  Or go to a retirement ceremony so that he's on a completely different schedule the next day.  But my site does that and I can't really express how grateful I am to have a site that understands the military family.


Things may get more interesting when I begin working on internship where I'm expected to work more hours.  Whatever the future brings, I'm very grateful for the people I work with.  They have made this slightly unsettling experience a joy.

Counter transference

I was sitting in with my wonderful site supervisor while he worked with a couple and about half  way through the session realized my breathing had changed.  Not only that, but I was getting anxious.  To calm myself I took a few deep breaths and was then able to be present with the clients.  I was also able to engage in the session with some sitting forward, eye contact, and appropriate reflecting.


Afterwards during supervision I brought up the fact that I had begun to feel anxious when the couple was arguing.  My supervisor said "Ah some counter transference for you."  I've read about this in all the many texts a master's degree requires, but it really is more a teaching moment for me when I experience it myself.  A little light went off in my head and I thought, so that's what it is.  And to be honest with myself I think I handled it fairly well.  I recognized it in session, was able to collect myself enough to be present, and apparently wasn't overly noticeable enough to distract the clients.  


This was indeed a learning experience and now that I'm more aware of how counter transference can affect me, I'll be able to self monitor more easily during sessions.  Very grateful for the learning experiences I've had with practicum, so far :)

MBTI indicator

I am a huge fan of Carl Jung's work and before beginning practicum had a small bit of knowledge base for the Myers Briggs Type Indicator.  I learned while working on my graduate coursework that the MBTI, while created by Isabelle Briggs Myers and her mother Katharine Briggs, the actual methodology drew from Carl Jung's theories.  There is more on the creation of the MBTI here and how the actual indicator came to be what it is today.

During my undergraduate work I had taken a quick version of the MBTI that one of the professors gave to my class.  After filling out this 25 question survey, I was given the INFP typology.  Liking the indicator and how it could help you to better understand people, I bought a small book that gave a basic introduction on the MBTI. The book went onto my bookshelf and I still have it today.

At this beginning point in my practicum my site supervisor uses MBTI typologies quite frequently in his practice.    It occurred to me in the 14 years since I took the original questionnaire that my typology may have changed.  There's a very user friendly guide to the Myer's Briggs located here that gives the basics on the 16 different typologies.  Dr. Fly had at one point asked me if I knew what type I was, and I had replied that it had been INFP.  Several life influencing things had happened to me since I'd taken that first test and I was fairly certain that my typology or the level of it may have changed.  For the first time I got to take the actual MBTI, which was very different from the smaller version I'd originally taken, and my appreciation for this indicator has grown.

The MBTI is broken down into three different sections.  It is very subjective and there are no wrong answers.  Unsurprisingly to me, my typology had shifted.  I am now a very clear IN with moderate points for FJ.  The experiences attained through the military and motherhood have led me to include much more planning and forethought in my daily activities than when I had previously taken the shorter MBTI version.  I'm excited to see how this indicator can be used to help understand and interact with clients.